Grin and Bear It

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Troy McAlister of ****, Idaho invented a 40-pound suit designed to allow its wearer to study grizzly bears up close.
(1) Grizzly bears weigh over one-thousand pounds. They have long sharp teeth and claws and are afraid of nothing.
According to ***** magazine, the suit included hockey shin and elbow pads, orange bubble packing, a catcher's chest protector, a goalies chest pad, ski boots, and a football flak jacket.
(2) Grizzly bears weigh over one-thousand pounds. They have long sharp teeth and claws and are afraid of nothing.
McAlister spent $20,000 testing the suit.
(3) $19,000 of which was earmarked for hospital bills...
First, he hired a 290-pound biker to beat him with baseball bats and two-by-fours.
(4) This portion of the article is in error, since McAlister did not pay the biker one red cent. All he did was to call the big ape a 'big ape'. The rest is history. Besides, the biker doesn't exist who wouldn't beat you like a kettle drum for free.
Next he hoisted a 75-pound punching bag 18 feet up a tree, rigged up some ropes, then let the bag crash into him repeatedly, somewhat like a battering ram.
(5) Grizzly bears weigh over one-thousand pounds. They have long sharp teeth and claws and are afraid of nothing.
Then McAlister had himself hit by a 2 ton pickup truck.
(6) Better, but trucks don't have any teeth or claws.
Next came attacks by a German shepherd, a Doberman pinscher, a pit bull, and a Rottweiler.
(7) OK there's the teeth and claws but .... Grizzly bears weigh over one-thousand pounds. They have long sharp teeth and claws and are afraid of nothing.
Finally, hiring a local film crew, McAlister journeyed to a well-known black bear hangout...
(8) No no no - we should be looking for GRIZZLIES... Big BIG BIG GRIZZLIES. As well as being small, blacks are well-known cowards.
... but when the bears finally came, they ignored the costumed man.
(9) They didn't ignore him at all. The only reason they ever turned their backs in the first place was to keep him from finding out that black bears can laugh out-loud. .How polite is that??
'They wouldn't attack me so I started attacking them" he said. "But the bears were too quick. They ran away and never came back."
(10) Conclusively proving that the bears were much smarter than McAlister ever thought about being.
After days of filming nothing but fleeing bears, the film crew packed up their gear in disgust and went home for the rest of the summer.
(11) McAlister, however, in true pioneer fashion, would not give up. Now alone, he continued his quest for black bears until mid-Decem- ber, when he suddenly went into hibernation for the entire winter.

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Editor's comments:
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Even though the majority of readers will probably not believe this story, it seems to The Editor that it just barely may be possible...