.
Dear Old Mom Dept:
...................................***
....................MOTHER'S DAY SALE
........................Prices good through
......................Saturday, May 9 2009
.....................................*
.......................Goodyear Quality
...........................-budget prices-
...............................S4S Radial
........................------------------------
........................P185/75R14 .. $86
........................P295/75R14 .. $94
........................Balance-$4 per tire
********************
Editor's Comments:
********************
Guys - Mom will like this a whole lot better than the power drill and crosscut saw you got her last year...
Friday, May 8, 2009
Heeere fishy fishy fishy...
.
Notice at a local Rod and Gun Club:
..............6th Annual Youth Fishing Derby June 5th
The 6th annual Youth Fishing Derby sponsored by Fountainstrand State Park will be.. Registration is at.. Prizes will be.. Entrants must bring their own bait and tackle.. Children must be accompanied by..
.....................................NO DYNAMITE
.............................................. OR
...............................ELECTRICAL DEVICES
.......................................PERMITTED
********************
Editor's Comments:
********************
No dynamite???
This is one of the lowest, meanest, most underhanded, biased, and also unfair rules that I have ever seen or even heard tell of!
Ask anybody in the fishing community and they'll tell you that as
far as snagging a big bass goes, there is not a plug in the world that can hold a candle to a couple of sticks of high-explosive or one of those old-fashioned hand crank telephones!!
I for one will not allow my child to attend such an event!!!
The nerve!!
Notice at a local Rod and Gun Club:
..............6th Annual Youth Fishing Derby June 5th
The 6th annual Youth Fishing Derby sponsored by Fountainstrand State Park will be.. Registration is at.. Prizes will be.. Entrants must bring their own bait and tackle.. Children must be accompanied by..
.....................................NO DYNAMITE
.............................................. OR
...............................ELECTRICAL DEVICES
.......................................PERMITTED
********************
Editor's Comments:
********************
No dynamite???
This is one of the lowest, meanest, most underhanded, biased, and also unfair rules that I have ever seen or even heard tell of!
Ask anybody in the fishing community and they'll tell you that as
far as snagging a big bass goes, there is not a plug in the world that can hold a candle to a couple of sticks of high-explosive or one of those old-fashioned hand crank telephones!!
I for one will not allow my child to attend such an event!!!
The nerve!!
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Quick Egg Drop Soup
.
Ingredients:
1 15 oz can chicken broth
1/2 C water
2 T cornstarch
1 egg beaten with a little water in a bowl (1 egg is PLENTY)
1/4 t seasoned salt
1/4 t black pepper
dash red pepper flakes
1/2 t dried chives
1/2 t dried parsley
Preparation:
In a 2 quart saucepan:
Wisk cornstarch into room temperature broth and water.
Add seasoned salt, black and red pepper (flakes), chives, and parsley.
Bring to a boil stirring often.
Reduce heat and dribble in the egg using a fork.
(this gives the stringy consistency you see in Chinese restaurants)
Boil 30 seconds longer.
Enjoy
...Gussy it Up:
Add 10-12 Oriental mandu* to egg drop soup for a hearty variation.
* Mandu is nothing more than wonton wrappers filled with a spiced chopped meat and/or vegetable mixture and may be found ready-made at any Oriental grocery.
When I browsed recipes for mandu, I found all more than involved so I decided to go the ready-made route.
In the Korean community however, mandu-making parties are com- monplace. A mandu-making party often results in a thousand or ev- en more mandu made, then quick-frozen for use year-round.
At some mandu-making parties even the wonton wrappers are made, the dough from scratch, with the wrapper itself being pressed either manually or by using a hand-cranked wrapper-rolling machine.
Mandu is great whether boiled, streamed, or prepared as a soup.
Yaki mandu is fried, while mool mandu is steamed.
For an extra zesty flavor, dip mandu in a mixture of soy sauce, red pepper flakes, sesame oil, and a hint of rice vinegar.
Mandu kook is mandu soup. To season mandu kook, add just a little soy sauce when served.
Note: In general, when it comes to adding either soy sauce or salt to any dish at all, the best idea is to let everyone add their own.
Ingredients:
1 15 oz can chicken broth
1/2 C water
2 T cornstarch
1 egg beaten with a little water in a bowl (1 egg is PLENTY)
1/4 t seasoned salt
1/4 t black pepper
dash red pepper flakes
1/2 t dried chives
1/2 t dried parsley
Preparation:
In a 2 quart saucepan:
Wisk cornstarch into room temperature broth and water.
Add seasoned salt, black and red pepper (flakes), chives, and parsley.
Bring to a boil stirring often.
Reduce heat and dribble in the egg using a fork.
(this gives the stringy consistency you see in Chinese restaurants)
Boil 30 seconds longer.
Enjoy
...Gussy it Up:
Add 10-12 Oriental mandu* to egg drop soup for a hearty variation.
* Mandu is nothing more than wonton wrappers filled with a spiced chopped meat and/or vegetable mixture and may be found ready-made at any Oriental grocery.
When I browsed recipes for mandu, I found all more than involved so I decided to go the ready-made route.
In the Korean community however, mandu-making parties are com- monplace. A mandu-making party often results in a thousand or ev- en more mandu made, then quick-frozen for use year-round.
At some mandu-making parties even the wonton wrappers are made, the dough from scratch, with the wrapper itself being pressed either manually or by using a hand-cranked wrapper-rolling machine.
Mandu is great whether boiled, streamed, or prepared as a soup.
Yaki mandu is fried, while mool mandu is steamed.
For an extra zesty flavor, dip mandu in a mixture of soy sauce, red pepper flakes, sesame oil, and a hint of rice vinegar.
Mandu kook is mandu soup. To season mandu kook, add just a little soy sauce when served.
Note: In general, when it comes to adding either soy sauce or salt to any dish at all, the best idea is to let everyone add their own.
The Siege
.
Headline:
....................Police, S.W.A.T. Team Use
..............Tear Gas to Oust Woman, 65
********************
Editor's Comments:
********************
I always thought Barney liked Aunt Bea better than that.
Just you wait though. When Andy gets back from Raleigh, there's gonna be some REAL fireworks!!
I wonder what Opie thought about all the fuss?
Headline:
....................Police, S.W.A.T. Team Use
..............Tear Gas to Oust Woman, 65
********************
Editor's Comments:
********************
I always thought Barney liked Aunt Bea better than that.
Just you wait though. When Andy gets back from Raleigh, there's gonna be some REAL fireworks!!
I wonder what Opie thought about all the fuss?
Bait and Switch
8 Jelly Doughnuts $1.49
(limit 3)
********************
Editor's Comments:
********************
Curious to see exactly how this was going to work, I tried to order the 8 for $1.49 package. The counterman said that I couldn't get 8 dough- nuts for $1.49 because the limit was 3 ... but I expected that.
Being an expert in math as well as confusion, I agreed and said that I would take 3, but only if pro-rated at the 8 for $1.49 rate.
The counterman said that would be fine.
The beginnings of one of my famous smirks began to cross my face because if this worked, I planned to order 3 doughnuts two more times. Then I would be getting 9 for 8 ... (do not question this... it is the way MY math works).
"It should not be too difficult for an ace computer programmer to outwit a common counter-schlock", I thought to myself.
When it came time to pay, the counterman, after laboriously punch- ing the numbers into his $2 green plastic calculator, finally said:
"That will be exactly 55.875 cents please sir."
I tried to pay with 2 quarters, a nickel and a penny without luck. It was either exact change, or no sale.
Outsmarted by myself yet again, I bought a bagel and left in disgust!
As I made my exit, I thought I detected the beginnings of a smirk on the counterman's face.
I just know he thinks he's soooooo smart...
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Ho There, Foul Monster...
.
Frederick Lawson of ****, Texas was arrested after allegedly trying to run down two **** College security guards with his van.
The guards wanted to question Lawson, who had just left a suspicious-looking package at one of the college's administrative offices.
1) This turned out to be a large pizza supreme with extra cheese ordered by a late-working secretary.
According to the **** Times Examiner, "Local police who gave chase after being called, shot out three tires of the van but Lawson contin- ued driving until the officers ran him off the road."
2) He still had two deliveries to make. Having been warned before- hand to "get it there in 30 minutes or less" he was afraid that if he stopped to chat with the gendarmes he'd be fired.
Lawson, grazed with shots fired by the policemen, was dressed in home-made body armor, including an apron lined with metal hinges, and a plastic bucket over his head.
********************
Editor's comments:
********************
As you may have guessed, the campus rent-a-cops, never all that bright even in the best of times, fouled it up royally.
Lawson was released from custody after it was found that he had just left a rehearsal with the campus drama club in which he was portray- ing Don Quixote in the Broadway production Man of La Mancha.
Still in costume from the famous 'windmill scene', he was mistaken as either a 'mad bomber' or a 'robot' (depending on which cop was tell- ing which story at which time and which place).
All turned out well when the college sprung for a set of new tires which Lawson had needed very badly in the first place.
Frederick Lawson of ****, Texas was arrested after allegedly trying to run down two **** College security guards with his van.
The guards wanted to question Lawson, who had just left a suspicious-looking package at one of the college's administrative offices.
1) This turned out to be a large pizza supreme with extra cheese ordered by a late-working secretary.
According to the **** Times Examiner, "Local police who gave chase after being called, shot out three tires of the van but Lawson contin- ued driving until the officers ran him off the road."
2) He still had two deliveries to make. Having been warned before- hand to "get it there in 30 minutes or less" he was afraid that if he stopped to chat with the gendarmes he'd be fired.
Lawson, grazed with shots fired by the policemen, was dressed in home-made body armor, including an apron lined with metal hinges, and a plastic bucket over his head.
********************
Editor's comments:
********************
As you may have guessed, the campus rent-a-cops, never all that bright even in the best of times, fouled it up royally.
Lawson was released from custody after it was found that he had just left a rehearsal with the campus drama club in which he was portray- ing Don Quixote in the Broadway production Man of La Mancha.
Still in costume from the famous 'windmill scene', he was mistaken as either a 'mad bomber' or a 'robot' (depending on which cop was tell- ing which story at which time and which place).
All turned out well when the college sprung for a set of new tires which Lawson had needed very badly in the first place.
Hostile Witnesses
.
Headline:
...............Multiple Personality Killer
..............Sentenced to Two Life Terms
-The **** News & Reporter
********************
Editor's Comments:
********************
The Judge was considering leniency, however when called to the witness stand the personalities testified against one another, each trying to beat the rap entirely.
The good news is that due to plea bargaining, the dominant person- ality is due for parole in seven years.
The others will just have to wait it out.
CRIME DOESN'T PAY
Headline:
...............Multiple Personality Killer
..............Sentenced to Two Life Terms
-The **** News & Reporter
********************
Editor's Comments:
********************
The Judge was considering leniency, however when called to the witness stand the personalities testified against one another, each trying to beat the rap entirely.
The good news is that due to plea bargaining, the dominant person- ality is due for parole in seven years.
The others will just have to wait it out.
CRIME DOESN'T PAY
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Texas Jailhouse Chili
.
Dear Readers:
In honor of Cinco de Mayo (The Editor's birthday), I have decided to get serious for once and post my recipe for Texas Jailhouse Chili. This seems particularly fitting in view of The Morning After The Night Before, my own personal experience with TJC.
I got the basic recipe for TJC from my Mom who, growing up in the West Texas towns of Shamrock and Midland, later in Fort Worth, graduated from Texas Wesleyan College (TWC) and moved to Tulsa to marry my Dad.
As is so often the case, she got the recipe from HER Mom.
I have modified this recipe over many years, but one thing hasn't changed, that being to use NO tomato product. Now don't get me wrong. I love tomatoes (I grow Camparis), but when cooking, the intense flavor of tomatoes can be overpowering. Sometimes that's a good thing, sometimes not. This is one of the times when it's not.
You would be amazed at the difference between chili with vs chili without tomatoes. .They are two totally different animals.
That being said, for your culinary enjoyment, here is my recipe for...
1 1/2 lb good ground beef
I like lots. I grind it at home using my Kitchen Center. Sometimes I use the coarse grinder for thick chili style ground beef. You don't have to though.
1 T bacon drippings
I use 4 to 6 cloves which gives me a very private social life. Pre-minced garlic works too... 4 to 6 iced-teaspoonsful.
2 heaping T chili powder
1/8 t ground coriander - Coriander is another name for cilantro.
Some people are allergic to cilantro, so always be sure to ask before you use it. According to Wikipedia, cilantro may be used for both relief of anxiety and prevention of insomnia. I really couldn't say for sure, but if true it could go a long way towards explaining siesta time in Old Méjico. Wikipedia also says that cilantro has been used to prevent gas. Believe me, this is not the case if used in T.J.C., which easily produces enough gas to float Phileas Fogg, Passepartout, and their hot air balloon not only across the English Channel, but well into continental Europe.
seasoned salt - To taste. I use about 1 t depending on my mood.
msg (optional)
1 C water
OR
1 cuppa old (this morning's) coffee - Honest Injun
This comes from a world spaghetti sauce contest winning recipe.
VARIATION - Try TJC over spaghetti like Ike's Chili in Tulsa, OK. (menu item #3)
Made from scratch (almost) cornbread is the perfect compliment to Texas Jailhouse Chili.
Note: If you do decide to add tomato whatever, please do not tell The Editor as this recipe turns into Mexican spaghetti sauce which is in itself very good, but nowhere near as good as TJC.
If you just HAVE to have tomatoes, try the Tulsa Public Schools' age-old recipe for Brown Bean Chowder. .It's famous all over the country. .I lived for Brown Bean Chowder when I attended Lanier Elementary, Wilson Jr. High, and Will Rogers High School in Tulsa.
After graduating from high school, as an undergraduate at The University of Tulsa I missed Brown Bean Chowder so much that I once tried to sneak back into the cafeteria at Rogers to enjoy a couple of bowls or three of my favorite lunchtime treat.
But I was soon recognized and due to the ensuing commotion sent forthwith to the Principal's office, my head hanging in shame.
Rats!! .How embarrassing was that??
Here I was, winner of the John Phillip Sousa Award, Round-Up Conductor, Concertmaster and Officer of the Band, letterman in tennis... sent to the Principal's office like a common juvenile delinquent!
But, bless his heart anyway, seeing the miserable look on my face, Dr. Knight had pity on me, sent for the recipe for BBC, mimeographed a copy, and gave it to me personally so that I (actually, my Mom) could whomp up a potful my very own self... whenever I wanted.
I was soooo happy!!
Disfrute de su Texas Jailhouse Chile...
Dear Readers:
I got the basic recipe for TJC from my Mom who, growing up in the West Texas towns of Shamrock and Midland, later in Fort Worth, graduated from Texas Wesleyan College (TWC) and moved to Tulsa to marry my Dad.
As is so often the case, she got the recipe from HER Mom.
I have modified this recipe over many years, but one thing hasn't changed, that being to use NO tomato product. Now don't get me wrong. I love tomatoes (I grow Camparis), but when cooking, the intense flavor of tomatoes can be overpowering. Sometimes that's a good thing, sometimes not. This is one of the times when it's not.
You would be amazed at the difference between chili with vs chili without tomatoes. .They are two totally different animals.
That being said, for your culinary enjoyment, here is my recipe for...
Texas Jailhouse Chili
(medium hot version)
1 1/2 lb good ground beef
I like lots. I grind it at home using my Kitchen Center. Sometimes I use the coarse grinder for thick chili style ground beef. You don't have to though.
1 T bacon drippings
Every good Southern cook has a little coffee can filled with bacon drippings somewhere under the counter. I thinks it's the law.
1/2 lb good ground sausage - Not the $1.49/lb kind
1/2 lb good ground sausage - Not the $1.49/lb kind
1 medium onion
Chopped. The original recipe says no onions, but I like onions so much that here, I had to draw the line. I use 1 large purple onion instead of 1 medium white onion.
2 cloves minced fresh garlicI use 4 to 6 cloves which gives me a very private social life. Pre-minced garlic works too... 4 to 6 iced-teaspoonsful.
2 heaping T chili powder
Yes, 2 tablespoons. I use 1/2 T of 4 different kinds, each a different color and strength but you don't have to go that far - one kind will do more than nicely.
1 heaping T cumin
1 heaping T cumin
As far as that goes, all my measures are heaping since I like things nice and spicy. The original recipe calls for 1 t cumin but once when I'd downed a couple of brewskis beforehand, I sort of misread the teaspoon to be a tablespoon! I'm still alive. I guess it worked out OK.
1 t paprika - 1 T is even better unless it's hot Hungarian paprika.
1/8 t white pepper - Use more and you'll be sorry1 t paprika - 1 T is even better unless it's hot Hungarian paprika.
1/8 t ground coriander - Coriander is another name for cilantro.
Some people are allergic to cilantro, so always be sure to ask before you use it. According to Wikipedia, cilantro may be used for both relief of anxiety and prevention of insomnia. I really couldn't say for sure, but if true it could go a long way towards explaining siesta time in Old Méjico. Wikipedia also says that cilantro has been used to prevent gas. Believe me, this is not the case if used in T.J.C., which easily produces enough gas to float Phileas Fogg, Passepartout, and their hot air balloon not only across the English Channel, but well into continental Europe.
seasoned salt - To taste. I use about 1 t depending on my mood.
msg (optional)
After reading a ton of bad press about msg I don't use it at all now.
coarse ground black pepper - To taste1 C water
OR
1 cuppa old (this morning's) coffee - Honest Injun
This comes from a world spaghetti sauce contest winning recipe.
1 capful red cooking wine (optional) - Why not?
3 beef bullion cubes -
Dissolve in the microwave w/the 1 C water (or coffee) and wine.
1 regular can chili beans - Pintos
1 regular can dark red kidney beans -
I like lots of beans but REAL chili does not have any beans at all.
1 regular can lite red kidney beans -
3 colors of beans looks good... tastes even better.
2 T cornstarch (optional) -
Made into paste so it won't clump (use if the chili is a little watery from bean juice or if you like it extra thick).
Brown the ground beef, sausage, seasoned salt, and black pepper in the bacon drippings.
The reason you have to use any bacon drippings at all is because you used good lean ground beef, right? I know, I know... adding bacon drippings sounds like it completely defeats the purpose of using lean meat, but drippings are part of the recipe.
Beware! If you omit the bacon drippings, it is at your peril. Don't come cryin' to me when your TJC doesn't turn out quite right.
--------
Add the onion and garlic. Sauté until onion is semi-clear.
--------
Put the water (or coffee), cooking wine, and bullion cubes in the microwave for a minute or so.
--------
Add the seasonings first, then the water or coffee to the pot, stir, heat, cover and simmer for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally.
Add the 3 cans of beans and cook 5 minutes more. If it is a little runny due to bean juice, that is a good thing because now you add the corn starch paste for a thickener.
--------
Good good... and it is even better the 2nd day, if it lasts that long!
Dissolve in the microwave w/the 1 C water (or coffee) and wine.
1 regular can chili beans - Pintos
1 regular can dark red kidney beans -
I like lots of beans but REAL chili does not have any beans at all.
1 regular can lite red kidney beans -
3 colors of beans looks good... tastes even better.
2 T cornstarch (optional) -
Made into paste so it won't clump (use if the chili is a little watery from bean juice or if you like it extra thick).
To Prepare...
Brown the ground beef, sausage, seasoned salt, and black pepper in the bacon drippings.
The reason you have to use any bacon drippings at all is because you used good lean ground beef, right? I know, I know... adding bacon drippings sounds like it completely defeats the purpose of using lean meat, but drippings are part of the recipe.
Beware! If you omit the bacon drippings, it is at your peril. Don't come cryin' to me when your TJC doesn't turn out quite right.
--------
Add the onion and garlic. Sauté until onion is semi-clear.
--------
Put the water (or coffee), cooking wine, and bullion cubes in the microwave for a minute or so.
--------
Add the seasonings first, then the water or coffee to the pot, stir, heat, cover and simmer for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally.
You have permission to taste after stirring, which could turn out to mean that you end up stirring a lot instead of only occasionally. No problemo... just be sure to leave enough for the dinner table.
--------Add the 3 cans of beans and cook 5 minutes more. If it is a little runny due to bean juice, that is a good thing because now you add the corn starch paste for a thickener.
--------
Good good... and it is even better the 2nd day, if it lasts that long!
VARIATION - Try TJC over spaghetti like Ike's Chili in Tulsa, OK. (menu item #3)
Made from scratch (almost) cornbread is the perfect compliment to Texas Jailhouse Chili.
Note: If you do decide to add tomato whatever, please do not tell The Editor as this recipe turns into Mexican spaghetti sauce which is in itself very good, but nowhere near as good as TJC.
If you just HAVE to have tomatoes, try the Tulsa Public Schools' age-old recipe for Brown Bean Chowder. .It's famous all over the country. .I lived for Brown Bean Chowder when I attended Lanier Elementary, Wilson Jr. High, and Will Rogers High School in Tulsa.
After graduating from high school, as an undergraduate at The University of Tulsa I missed Brown Bean Chowder so much that I once tried to sneak back into the cafeteria at Rogers to enjoy a couple of bowls or three of my favorite lunchtime treat.
But I was soon recognized and due to the ensuing commotion sent forthwith to the Principal's office, my head hanging in shame.
Rats!! .How embarrassing was that??
Here I was, winner of the John Phillip Sousa Award, Round-Up Conductor, Concertmaster and Officer of the Band, letterman in tennis... sent to the Principal's office like a common juvenile delinquent!
But, bless his heart anyway, seeing the miserable look on my face, Dr. Knight had pity on me, sent for the recipe for BBC, mimeographed a copy, and gave it to me personally so that I (actually, my Mom) could whomp up a potful my very own self... whenever I wanted.
I was soooo happy!!
Disfrute de su Texas Jailhouse Chile...
Sloooowly he crept...
Wire Report:
R*** Barrett led police through Los Angeles, Riverside, and Orange counties for four hours before running out of gas in San Diego County on New Year's day.
Officers originally approached Barrett's vehicle in Malibu because it was moving too slowly.
He stopped at first, then pulled away and the chase was on.
Barrett never exceeded the speed limit while police cruisers followed closely, sirens screaming and lights flashing.
-The **** Post
********************
Editor's comments:
********************
The Post missed one small detail in their report.
Barrett was driving the lead float in Pasadena's annual Parade of Roses when all of this took place.
Keep it Clean
.
News Flash:
The Post Record reported that two inmates from a prison in Bruna Alberta, commandeered a contract garbage truck yesterday and crashed through the prison fence.
Police pursued the lumbering truck for an hour-and-a-half before finally shooting out its tires.
********************
Editor's comments:
********************
It turns out that both men are former employees of a small town's Department of Sanitation.
They would have made a clean getaway if only they hadn't taken the time to make 43 pickups and 2 trips to the dump.
I guess old habits are hard to break.
News Flash:
The Post Record reported that two inmates from a prison in Bruna Alberta, commandeered a contract garbage truck yesterday and crashed through the prison fence.
Police pursued the lumbering truck for an hour-and-a-half before finally shooting out its tires.
********************
Editor's comments:
********************
It turns out that both men are former employees of a small town's Department of Sanitation.
They would have made a clean getaway if only they hadn't taken the time to make 43 pickups and 2 trips to the dump.
I guess old habits are hard to break.
Monday, May 4, 2009
The Lil' Monster
.
Headline:
Headline:
................SEARCHERS FIND BIG UGLY CHILD
Big Ugly, W.VA:
Big Ugly, W.VA:
A child, who spent the night lost in the woods after being chased...
-Local Press Report
*******************
Editor's comment: Gedouddahere...
*******************
-Local Press Report
*******************
Editor's comment: Gedouddahere...
*******************
Well Trained
.
John Smiley 26, of ****, IL was not injured when his car was struck by a train at 4:35 a.m. Sunday morning.
Police said Smiley was eastbound on Hawley Street from Ramey Avenue, when the slowly moving freight train hit his vehicle.
What was a freight train doing out there in the middle of the street that early in the morning anyway?
According to the report, Smiley told officers that the train swerved repeatedly to hit him.
-The **** Herald
********************
Editor's comments: .Of all the nerve!! ... I hate roadhogs!
********************
John Smiley 26, of ****, IL was not injured when his car was struck by a train at 4:35 a.m. Sunday morning.
Police said Smiley was eastbound on Hawley Street from Ramey Avenue, when the slowly moving freight train hit his vehicle.
What was a freight train doing out there in the middle of the street that early in the morning anyway?
According to the report, Smiley told officers that the train swerved repeatedly to hit him.
-The **** Herald
********************
Editor's comments: .Of all the nerve!! ... I hate roadhogs!
********************
A Piece of Pie (with apologies to Damon Runyon)
l
Found in the "Local News" section:
A resident's proposal to widen a road in a suburb of ****, Tennessee, was opposed by a spokesman for the local Planning Commissioner, a certain Mr. Shepherd.
He told a public meeting that a wider road was not needed because residents of the suburb were more intelligent than those of the inner city and thus able to deal with narrower streets.
1) ummm...the way "intelligent" people normally deal with narrow streets is to make them wider.
"Out here the people are more educated", said Shepherd, "and they should be better drivers...
2) Not necessarily... but just for the sake of argument; if the locals there are really better educated, then they have better jobs and bigger fatter cars which need bigger fatter streets... right?
... so you can handle more cars out here on narrow streets than congested areas of the city. Since we've got better drivers who are more intellectual and intelligent, they'll have less wrecks... unless of course they're drunk."
3) ... or maybe blind...
Shepherd also claimed that a wider road would allow 'undesirables' into their fair community.
4) ... as the current narrow road keeps them completely out.
-The ***** Gazette
********************
Editor's comments:
********************
It turned out that SHEPHERD himself was the one who originally proposed the new road! .But his son's company, Shepherd's Paving Improvement Enterprises (locally known as Shepherd's P.I.E.) lost the contract. So he changed his mind about widening the road since he would no longer be able to buy a fat car of his own with the kick- back from the project; ... his own personal piece of the P.I.E.
How bureaucratically typical...
Found in the "Local News" section:
A resident's proposal to widen a road in a suburb of ****, Tennessee, was opposed by a spokesman for the local Planning Commissioner, a certain Mr. Shepherd.
He told a public meeting that a wider road was not needed because residents of the suburb were more intelligent than those of the inner city and thus able to deal with narrower streets.
1) ummm...the way "intelligent" people normally deal with narrow streets is to make them wider.
"Out here the people are more educated", said Shepherd, "and they should be better drivers...
2) Not necessarily... but just for the sake of argument; if the locals there are really better educated, then they have better jobs and bigger fatter cars which need bigger fatter streets... right?
... so you can handle more cars out here on narrow streets than congested areas of the city. Since we've got better drivers who are more intellectual and intelligent, they'll have less wrecks... unless of course they're drunk."
3) ... or maybe blind...
Shepherd also claimed that a wider road would allow 'undesirables' into their fair community.
4) ... as the current narrow road keeps them completely out.
-The ***** Gazette
********************
Editor's comments:
********************
It turned out that SHEPHERD himself was the one who originally proposed the new road! .But his son's company, Shepherd's Paving Improvement Enterprises (locally known as Shepherd's P.I.E.) lost the contract. So he changed his mind about widening the road since he would no longer be able to buy a fat car of his own with the kick- back from the project; ... his own personal piece of the P.I.E.
How bureaucratically typical...
Sunday, May 3, 2009
The Dilemma
.
This question and answer appeared in the Professional Problems section of a well-known British legal journal:
Question:
I am a 32-year-old assistant solicitor working for a general practice, specializing in litigation.
Last month I had an appointment with an established client, an attractive blond divorcee who had purchased a defective vacuum cleaner from a local shopkeeper, who had refused to replace it or refund her money.
As I took down the details, I could not help noticing that her dress was extremely low-cut and she kept giving me long lingering looks.
Our eyes met and within seconds we were making passionate love on my desk. I have met her on several subsequent occasions, where the same thing has happened. I am married with three children.
What should I do?
Answer:
Your client should be able to obtain redress under sec.13 or 14 of the Sale of Goods Act 1979, provided it can be established that the goods were either not of merchantable quality or fit for the purpose for which they were sold.
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Editor's comments: How staid and perfectly proper. How British...
********************
This question and answer appeared in the Professional Problems section of a well-known British legal journal:
Question:
I am a 32-year-old assistant solicitor working for a general practice, specializing in litigation.
Last month I had an appointment with an established client, an attractive blond divorcee who had purchased a defective vacuum cleaner from a local shopkeeper, who had refused to replace it or refund her money.
As I took down the details, I could not help noticing that her dress was extremely low-cut and she kept giving me long lingering looks.
Our eyes met and within seconds we were making passionate love on my desk. I have met her on several subsequent occasions, where the same thing has happened. I am married with three children.
What should I do?
Answer:
Your client should be able to obtain redress under sec.13 or 14 of the Sale of Goods Act 1979, provided it can be established that the goods were either not of merchantable quality or fit for the purpose for which they were sold.
********************
Editor's comments: How staid and perfectly proper. How British...
********************
Grin and Bear It
.
Troy McAlister of ****, Idaho invented a 40-pound suit designed to allow its wearer to study grizzly bears up close.
(1) Grizzly bears weigh over one-thousand pounds. They have long sharp teeth and claws and are afraid of nothing.
According to ***** magazine, the suit included hockey shin and elbow pads, orange bubble packing, a catcher's chest protector, a goalies chest pad, ski boots, and a football flak jacket.
(2) Grizzly bears weigh over one-thousand pounds. They have long sharp teeth and claws and are afraid of nothing.
McAlister spent $20,000 testing the suit.
(3) $19,000 of which was earmarked for hospital bills...
First, he hired a 290-pound biker to beat him with baseball bats and two-by-fours.
(4) This portion of the article is in error, since McAlister did not pay the biker one red cent. All he did was to call the big ape a 'big ape'. The rest is history. Besides, the biker doesn't exist who wouldn't beat you like a kettle drum for free.
Next he hoisted a 75-pound punching bag 18 feet up a tree, rigged up some ropes, then let the bag crash into him repeatedly, somewhat like a battering ram.
(5) Grizzly bears weigh over one-thousand pounds. They have long sharp teeth and claws and are afraid of nothing.
Then McAlister had himself hit by a 2 ton pickup truck.
(6) Better, but trucks don't have any teeth or claws.
Next came attacks by a German shepherd, a Doberman pinscher, a pit bull, and a Rottweiler.
(7) OK there's the teeth and claws but .... Grizzly bears weigh over one-thousand pounds. They have long sharp teeth and claws and are afraid of nothing.
Finally, hiring a local film crew, McAlister journeyed to a well-known black bear hangout...
(8) No no no - we should be looking for GRIZZLIES... Big BIG BIG GRIZZLIES. As well as being small, blacks are well-known cowards.
... but when the bears finally came, they ignored the costumed man.
(9) They didn't ignore him at all. The only reason they ever turned their backs in the first place was to keep him from finding out that black bears can laugh out-loud. .How polite is that??
'They wouldn't attack me so I started attacking them" he said. "But the bears were too quick. They ran away and never came back."
(10) Conclusively proving that the bears were much smarter than McAlister ever thought about being.
After days of filming nothing but fleeing bears, the film crew packed up their gear in disgust and went home for the rest of the summer.
(11) McAlister, however, in true pioneer fashion, would not give up. Now alone, he continued his quest for black bears until mid-Decem- ber, when he suddenly went into hibernation for the entire winter.
********************
Editor's comments:
********************
Even though the majority of readers will probably not believe this story, it seems to The Editor that it just barely may be possible...
Troy McAlister of ****, Idaho invented a 40-pound suit designed to allow its wearer to study grizzly bears up close.
(1) Grizzly bears weigh over one-thousand pounds. They have long sharp teeth and claws and are afraid of nothing.
According to ***** magazine, the suit included hockey shin and elbow pads, orange bubble packing, a catcher's chest protector, a goalies chest pad, ski boots, and a football flak jacket.
(2) Grizzly bears weigh over one-thousand pounds. They have long sharp teeth and claws and are afraid of nothing.
McAlister spent $20,000 testing the suit.
(3) $19,000 of which was earmarked for hospital bills...
First, he hired a 290-pound biker to beat him with baseball bats and two-by-fours.
(4) This portion of the article is in error, since McAlister did not pay the biker one red cent. All he did was to call the big ape a 'big ape'. The rest is history. Besides, the biker doesn't exist who wouldn't beat you like a kettle drum for free.
Next he hoisted a 75-pound punching bag 18 feet up a tree, rigged up some ropes, then let the bag crash into him repeatedly, somewhat like a battering ram.
(5) Grizzly bears weigh over one-thousand pounds. They have long sharp teeth and claws and are afraid of nothing.
Then McAlister had himself hit by a 2 ton pickup truck.
(6) Better, but trucks don't have any teeth or claws.
Next came attacks by a German shepherd, a Doberman pinscher, a pit bull, and a Rottweiler.
(7) OK there's the teeth and claws but .... Grizzly bears weigh over one-thousand pounds. They have long sharp teeth and claws and are afraid of nothing.
Finally, hiring a local film crew, McAlister journeyed to a well-known black bear hangout...
(8) No no no - we should be looking for GRIZZLIES... Big BIG BIG GRIZZLIES. As well as being small, blacks are well-known cowards.
... but when the bears finally came, they ignored the costumed man.
(9) They didn't ignore him at all. The only reason they ever turned their backs in the first place was to keep him from finding out that black bears can laugh out-loud. .How polite is that??
'They wouldn't attack me so I started attacking them" he said. "But the bears were too quick. They ran away and never came back."
(10) Conclusively proving that the bears were much smarter than McAlister ever thought about being.
After days of filming nothing but fleeing bears, the film crew packed up their gear in disgust and went home for the rest of the summer.
(11) McAlister, however, in true pioneer fashion, would not give up. Now alone, he continued his quest for black bears until mid-Decem- ber, when he suddenly went into hibernation for the entire winter.
********************
Editor's comments:
********************
Even though the majority of readers will probably not believe this story, it seems to The Editor that it just barely may be possible...
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