Synapses

.

Facts of life Dept:

.

The common goldfish has a memory
span of only three to four seconds.


*******************
Editor's Comment: 
*******************
... still a full two seconds longer than the common teenager...

The Juggler

Multitasking Dept:

.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4776181634656145640

********************
Editor's Comments:
********************

If this guy can juggle numbers half as well as he does tennis balls, I've got such a deal for him around tax time next April.

.

I wonder how he'd handle Nicolai Rimsky-Korsakov's famous work Flight of the Bumblebee?

Passing the Buck

.

                                       Finger Point'n Dept:

.

*******************
Editor's Comment:  It's tha dying' truth folks...
*******************

That's Whut Ah Lahk About the South... The DA

Tell it like it is Dept:

*******************

Editor's Comment:
*******************
No muss... no fuss... no bother... end of story.

More than a mouthful!

.

.

Chowtime Dept:

.

********************
Editor's Comments:
********************
This is a shot of a woman who jumped into the polar bear exhibit
at the Berlin zoo during feeding time last April.

Considering its choice of lunchtime snacks, The Editor contends that this particular bear is more likely bipolar than polar.

.

I wonder what was on the menu for dessert?

The Straight Skinny 201

Who'da thunk it Dept:

Ladies and Gentlemen:

It would benefit each of you to pay close attention and take notes as there will be
a short quiz following today's lecture on
Facts to File and Forget.

1.

Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button.
... more than I wanted to know...
2.
A pack-a-day smoker will lose about 2 teeth every 10 years. 

If the smoker also happens to be a hockey goalie, the rate of
loss for most seems to be quite a bit higher than the norm.

3.
When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop; even the heart. 

This is false if breaking-wind counts at all... even a little bit.

4.

Only 7 percent of the population are lefties.

Try selling that to the Democratic party.

5.
Forty people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.

Ah yes... where do I go to get a dog bite? It's for a friend... really...

6.
Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear for 2 to 6 years.

Babies are also born without beards.  Can you imagine??

7.

The average housefly lives for one month.

Not in my house it don't!

8.
40,000 Americans are injured by toilets every year.

That must be why there are so many toilets overcrowding our pris- ons. The latest study shows an average of 3 toilets for every 4 cells.

9.

A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.
This is true.  Ask any car thief.
10.
Most of us have eaten a spider while resting in bed.

Yes indeedy; and that's just for starters.

11.
In most TV commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white paint and a little thinner is used in place of milk.

If the kids end up kissing Mom do they stick together?

12.
If coloring were not added to Coca Cola, it would be green.

It's not green?

***************

Quiz:

Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button.
1.What did he do with all the lint?
     a. He packed it into the dimple in his chin.
     b. He donated it to the Salvation Army.
     c. He was saving it for a toupe' but never got quite enough.
     d. Madeleine Albright bought it to spruce up her mustache. 

Babies are born without beards. They appear during puberty.
2.What percentage of babies are capable of growing a beard?
    a. 51% counting the Queen of Hearts and Madeleine Albright.
    b. 0% dummy!  Didn't you read?
         The beard-growing part comes later!! 
    c. Virtually 0%. (...this allows for Madeleine Albright)

.

Forty people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.

3.Answer the following questions about dog bites:
    a. What are the most popular brands?
    c. How much does a 50 lb. sack cost?
    d. How much does a 50 lb. sack cost if it's full of something?
    e. Is a prescription required?

Coloring is added to Coca Cola or it would be green.

4. What color is Coca Cola after the coloring is added?
     a. Yes
     b. No
     c. Green
     d. I don't know. I already drank mine. 

A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.
5. How long is a coat hanger while it still looks like a coat hanger?
     a. 44 inches
     b. About 44 inches I think. The handle part is a bitch to measure.

 6. While resting in bed, what else have you eaten besides a spider?

      a. Crackers
      b. Gummy Bears
      c. Pickles and ice-cream
      d. I'll never tell

7. If 7% of the population are lefties, what percentage are righties?
     a. 94% counting Madeleine Albright
     b. 6% according to the Democratic National Caucaus
     c. 54% according to Madeleine Albright

8. Why are so many toilets found in prisons these days?
     a. Our dedicated men in blue are Johnny-on-the-Spot
     b. Our superlative legal system is Johnny-on-the-Spot
     c. Obviously, it's due to racial profiling

Bonus question: 

Who the hell is Madeleine Albright?

******************* 
Editor's Comment: 
*******************
More to come in future blogs... 

Food for thought!

.

.

Give us this day, our daily bread...