Ten-HUT!

Spare Tire Dept:

A U.S. Army officer seeking promotion must submit a full-length .photograph as part of .the .promotion review process according to The Army Times, which reported that one overweight officer lay on the floor and had the photo taken from above, his excess bag- gage not readily apparent as it sagged to the back.

"However," reported the Times, "the man's shoes curled upward showing the soles, which gave him away to the Board."

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Editor's comment:

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Reviewers also expressed curiosity as to the desk hanging on the wall and the mouse hole in the ceiling.
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Herbicide or Dressing?

Sign of the times:

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.........................Ἀπολλύων

.................APOLLYŌN BROS.

.....................Farmers Market

..............................and

......................Garden Centre

..............................***

.....................IT'S TIME TO

.................KILL CRABGRASS

.............. ...............***

.................SALAD BAR IS OPEN!

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Editor's Comment:

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Vinegar, Round-Up, and just a touch of ground DDT for me thanks...

The Party Pooper

Rabble Rouser Dept:
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Dateline:
Bandung, Indonesia
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At a political rally in Bandung, the main speaker Abdullah Pussamaatamadja, challenged citizens to spend less time sitting on the toilet and going to parties, and more time demanding both their constitutional and civic rights.
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He was quoted as saying:

"If you go to the lavatory, do not sit there too long because it is unnecessary. That kind of attitude is not what Indonesia wants."
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Pussamaatamadja also criticized the Indonesian habits of giving parties when dating, when getting married, after giving birth, for
the first haircut, when...
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His parting advice urged all Indonesians to complain more at for- eign owned hotels so as to get better service and more amenities.
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-The **** Globe News
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Editor's Comments:
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It sounds to me like this guy might be permanently constipated.
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After research, it came to light that that Pussamaatamadja initially developed his bad attitude when he found out that his name was too long to write on the divider of the commode stall in the men's room.

Haute Cuisine

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Sign of the times:..

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.................................THE RANCH
.......................Featuring uncommon fare
........................for discriminating diners

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................................This week only

................................Roadkill BBQ

..........................Get it while it lasts!

................................Y'ALL COME!
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Editor's Comment:
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Lunch Special: The CHICKEN (that didn't cross the road)$5.95
...........................-Served with house salad and choice of 2 veggies

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Tomorrow:.... ..POSSUM on a half-shell (Armadillo)....-....$4.99

.........................................................******

No Hablamos Inglés

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Authorities are asking citizens to keep on the lookout for a red 1951 Chevrolet that they suspect is being used to smuggle illegals across the border.  If you see the vehicle pictured below, you are urged to contact law enforcement officials immediately.

Caution:

If following keep a safe distance as its exhaust can be quite wicked.

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