Last Call

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Dear Readers: Overheard at Norm's Olde Irish Pub about 1:30 this morning...

Well, ya shee Norm ol' buddy, it's like thish:

A herd of buffalo only moves as fast as the slowest buffalo; and when the herd is hunted, the slowest and weakest animals at the back are always the ones that go down first.

This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the entire group improves steadily with the regular elimination of its weakest members!

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as its slowest cells.

Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells.  Similar to your buffalo herd, the slowest and weakest brain cells are attacked and killed first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells making the brain a faster and more efficient machine!

That's the reason why you always feel smarter after a couple 'a three or four beers.  'Nuther...

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Editor's Comments:
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Wow!  Drinking beer makes you smarter?

What a revelation!  What a Godsend!

That kind of education beats the smack out of sitting there in class all day long!  I wonder if there's any way at all to get a scholarship...

An (almost) Grimm Fairy Tale

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Once upon a time there was a handsome young prince and beautiful young princess who lived in neighboring kingdoms.

One fine evening in June the prince, thinking to win his childhood sweetheart both as a beautiful bride and devoted mate for life gallantly knelt upon bent knee and asked the fair maiden to marry him.

The princess answered sweetly: "Yes, my handsome prince. I will marry you but ONLY if you promise to wash the dishes, vacuum the palace daily, change ALL of our babies' diapers, and prepare gourmet feasts for me 6-days-a-week.


Sundays I shall allow you to take me out for a fancy meal at any restaurant of your choosing, where of course YOU will pick up both the tab and the tip."

The handsome prince, not having fallen off the turnip wagon just yesterday, laughed out loud and quickly exclaimed to Mi-lady:

I don't THINK so!

Then to her utter astonishment, he left a huff.

And so he lived happily ever after; hunting, fishing, bowling and playing poker with the guys every Wednesday and Saturday night.

He also burped, picked his nose, drank milk right smack out of the bottle, channel-hopped to his heart's content, bought a Golden Retriever named Fred and walked around his bachelor pad wearing nothing but a pair of polka-dot shorts whenever he wanted to.  Life was good.
                                
                        The End


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Editor's Comments:
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This is such a happy ending that it almost makes The Editor want to cry!! 

... and just to think... all the time I thought that somebody was going to get turned into a frog.

Shame on me! (Ribbit)