The Orchestra

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Maestro Kaplin learns the hard way that the phrase

Would you please play that part louder

is never to be spoken to the trombone section.

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Editor's Comment:
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The Editor is sure that the percussionists, not to be outdone, will have something to say about this; probably sooner rather than later.
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The Solution

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M1A1 .50 caliber Clarinet with night-vision scope

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Editor's Comments:
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The Editor has just read that the purpose of this fine weapon is for use on singers who abuse the National Anthem at sporting events.

Roseanne, watch your back!

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The Conductor

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Editor's Comment:
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Too many stick-wavers out there couldn't conduct electricity if their life depended on it... but the ensemble has no choice but to suffer on in silent, unspeakable and tortuous agony.

Persuading them to give up the stick in the name of humanity is all but impossible. All plausible attempts at reason go either unheard, unnoticed or flat ignored.

Good Phaedeux... good doggie.  Better still, "good luck".
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It ain't rocket science, folks.

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The budget explained in simple English:

Federal Budget:                   $3,820,000,000,000 
 United States Tax Revenue:       $2,170,000,000,000

 New Debt:                        $1,650,000,000,000

National Debt:                   $14,271,000,000,000

Recent Budget Cuts by Washington     $38,500,000,000

(of which our politicians are so smugly proud)

Now, remove 8 zeros. Pretend it's your household budget:

Money the Family Spent:           $38,200
 Annual Family Income:            $21,700

 New Credit Card Debt:            $16,500

Outstanding Credit Card Balance: $142,710

Recent Emergency Spending Cuts:      $385

(to balance the family budget, you know)
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WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?

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Editor's Comment: Vote on Tuesday November 6, 2012!
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