Saturday, June 27, 2009

The Five Star Establishment


Wait, wait... don't go away...
you don't understand Dept:


Seen at a Mexico City hotel reassuring its out-of-country visitors that...
.
.........THE MANAGER HAS
...... PERSONALLY
PASSED
...THE WATER SERVED HERE!
.
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Editor's Comments:
********************
From all I have heard about the water in Mexico, even this would be a big improvement...it's Dos Equis and a lime for me, thanks anyway.
.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith...


Fractured English Dept:

...seen at a Paris hotel asking guests to...
.
...PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES
..........AT THE FRONT DESK!
.
*******************
Editor's Comment: .Mais oui... always when in Parée...
*******************

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Throwin' in the towel...


Politically Correct Dept:
.
Notice seen in rooms at a Tokyo hotel in an attempt to stop the age-old custom of pinching the towels...
.
.......IT IS FORBIDDEN TO STEAL
......THE HOTEL TOWEL PLEASE!
.
... and politely added below ...
.
..........If .you are not the person to
..........do.such bad thing,.kindly
..........don't to read.above notice.
.
*******************
Editor's Comment: .Notice? .What notice...
*******************

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Calling All Cars


Dragnet Dept:
.
A Texas magazine reported that the Auston Police Department and Cheyenne County Sheriff's Office apologized for arresting the wrong Bob Brown a total of 14 times.
.
********************
Editor's Comments:
********************
What is amazing is that each of the Bobs was a different person. The cops had to go to 12 different cities in 3 counties to accomplish this unlikely feat and even then, they never did find the right guy.
.
I wonder if they spelled his name wrong?

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Made From Scratch (almost) Cornbread


Dear Readers:
As so often happens, even though it is only 6:00 in the morning, visions of  Texas Jailhouse Chili dance ever through my mind. This is not at all that unusual since when it comes to TJC and yours truly, the time of day matters not a bit.

Suddenly, it dawns on The Editor that the compliment to TJC has yet to be published. .This oversight must not be allowed to prevail!!
.
So... up and out of bed... quickly now...
.................................................***
Here is a recipe that uses any old cheap commercial mix as a base then, with some easy add-ons has it all comin' out like it was home- made from scratch cornbread just like Grandma used to make.
.................................................***
Equipment:
1 medium-sized black cast iron skillet
1 large plate (bigger than the skillet)
1 smaller plate (bigger than the cornbread)
..2 large plates is OK
no-stick kitchen spray
hotpad (2 is better)
.
Ingredients:
1 package plain old regular cornbread mix - ($.40 at the grocery)
..(I use the kind where you add milk and an egg)
3 T bacon drippings
2 T flour
1 T sugar
1 t baking powder (powder... NOT baking soda!)
1 t white vinegar
..(vinegar and milk is the old-timer's kitchen sub for buttermilk.)
1/2 C cracklins (optional) -.cracklins - NOT, repeat NOT chitlins!!
..I made that mistake once.. it was really nasty.. stop laffin' !!!
.
Directions:
Heat the oven to the temperature on the cornbread mix package.
To give it time, do this before you begin assembling the ingredients.
.
As soon as you turn the oven on, spray the inside of the cast-iron skillet, add the bacon drippings, then put the skillet into the pre-heating oven... next-to-top rung.
.
In a large pyrex bowl add the mix, dry ingredients, and stir well.
.
Following the directions on the mix package, add everything else but the vinegar and drippings... milk, egg, water, whatever. Stir well.
.
By this time, the oven should be pretty good and hot. .Using a hot- pad, remove the .skillet from the oven, pour the now smoking hot bacon drippings all at once into the cornbread mix, and stir well.
.
Add the vinegar and (what-again?) stir well.
.
Pour the whole shebang into the still hot skillet, then put it all back into the oven... as before, on the next-to-top rung.
.
Set your kitchen timer for a couple of minutes before the baking time that the mix package says. You'll want to monitor the final stages so that your cornbread doesn't come out scorched or underdone.
.
Tips:
1. Underdone cornbread will stick to the bottom of the skillet.
2. If the bread is toasty on top and the sides have pulled away
....from the edge of the skillet slightly, it's ready.
3. Stick a kitchen knife into the middle of the loaf (I don't). If
....it comes out dry, it's ready. A toothpick works too.
4. Avoid opening/closing the oven door a lot as you lose heat.
5. If the loaf sticks to the skillet, use a pie server or something
....of that nature to unstick it... also don't... nah - you wouldn't
....use a plastic pie server on a blazing hot cast-iron skillet now...
.......would you???
.
When done, using a good thick hotpad (I use 2), take the HOT-and I mean HOT - skillet out of the oven, put the large plate on top and flip it quickly, dumping the cornbread neatly onto the large plate.

Put the small plate over the top of the cornbread and flip the whole ball-of-wax over again. This way your bread is right-side-up on the small plate with almost no muss, fuss, or bother.
.
If you want to try and get the cornbread out of the skillet onto a plate without using 2 plates, especially if it's stuck just a smidgen, go ahead and try but don't be surprised if it gets ugly.
.
Be VERY careful with the hot cast-iron skillet, even when cooling it down with cold water in the sink as it will steam more than a Mississippi Riverboat Queen at full speed in mid-channel on a clear day.
.
Note: When you pour cold water into the HOT skillet, do NOT get your hotpad wet. .If you do, you'll be sorry!

If you aren't worried about forgetting that the skillet is still blazing hot and picking it up anyway like I did once you can leave it on the stove to cool naturally although this heats up the kitchen some... a good thing in the winter time.
.
Let the cornbread cool slightly and ENJOY!!
.
Made From Scratch (almost) Cornbread is excellent with TJC, Homemade Vegetable Beef Soup, collards, or as a late-night snack, crumbled up in a bowl with cold milk.
.
Note:
If you have to go out and buy a black cast-iron skillet, season it first by spraying the inside part with kitchen oil, adding salt, again covering the inside part, and heating in a 500 degree oven for 60 minutes. Do not EVER put a cast-iron skillet in the dishwasher. If you do, you'll end up with the biggest pile of rust you ever saw...
.

Monday, June 22, 2009

A Clean Getaway


A burglar, still at large, really did clean up when he robbed the apartment of Stephanie Potts.
.
Potts said her stereo and a long list of other things were stolen but the apart- ment was left spotless.
.
The burglar vacuumed, washed dirty dishes, mopped the kitchen floor, and scrubbed the tub after taking a shower.
.
Her furniture was even rearranged.
.
"I was kind of glad that the apartment was spiffed up..." a bewildered Potts said, "... but where's my stuff?"
.
*******************
Editor's Comment:
*******************

The case was closed when Potts finally remembered that after a heav- ier-than-usual binge of drinking the night before, she had gone home to her sister's apartment instead of her own.