Friday, December 31, 2010

CDC Alert

 
Dear Readers,

In the interest of community safety the following alert is hereby published: 

Georgia Bulldogs football practice was delayed nearly 2 hours yesterday morning after a team manager reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the field during workouts.

CDC forensic experts determined that the chalky inhibitor, unknown to the players, was the goal line. 

Practice resumed for the offensive squad alone in the afternoon after GBI agents concluded that they were very unlikely to encounter the hazardous substance in the near future.

The Bulldog defense however, was placed under quarantine due to extensive exposure to the heretofore unidentified toxic agent during the first half of the regular season.

Please take all necessary precautions.

Monday, December 27, 2010

The Chicken That Didn't Cross the Road

 
Dear Readers,

Nobody much knows why, but chicken soup is legend for curing respiratory aches and pains, bother the fact that if made properly it is some kinda good.

That being said, after many requests The Editor is at long last publishing his famous recipe for chicken (with whatever) soup.

He made it just this holiday season when daughter Clara, the family's default Santa Claus Christmas morning, came down with the flu just three days before the long-awaited event. This was clearly a disaster in the making because without Aunt Clara in control of the four adults and three more than excited children, the normal ritual of present opening would turn into an uncontrollable melee faster than fast.

Christmas would just not be Christmas without the presence of Clara's iron fist. We simply HAD to get her well!!

The obvious solution was a 6-quart pot of chicken soup. For curing sniffles, sneezes or the flu, chicken soup has no peer.

So, along with granddaughter Emma The Editor scurried to the market where everything was found and purchased in short order. Back at the ranch and now in the kitchen, Grandpa explained to Emma (who had very graciously offered to help), that chicken soup is not that hard to make... it doesn't even take that long (IF you use a pressure cooker), and everyone always seems to like it a lot.  My Yiddish bridge partner Abe even said he thought that this chicken soup was as good as his Mother's... the absolute ULTIMATE compliment.

This time it turned out that it was so good and everybody liked it so much that the supply ran low and I had to squirrel away what was left, hiding it in the back of the fridge so that Clara would have at least a couple of day's worth for herself.

After many protests regarding the mystery of the disappearing chicken soup, a solemn vow was made that the recipe would be published to The Editor Sez in short order... that is to say, as soon as the recovery from eggnog and too many cold turkey sandwiches was complete.

Oh yeah... Clara got well in just over a day's time and even tho son-in-law Mike finally found the hidden stash of soup, Christmas morning at the kid's house was saved.

Hallelujah!!

And now as promised, the legendary recipe:

Ingredients

2 pounds of chicken whatever
Thighs are good, breasts too. It's best to use pieces that aren't too bony...boning something like chicken backs or ribs is really quite tedious.
1 box chicken with rice mix
2 or 3 cans Swanson's chicken broth
4 cubes chicken bullion (or 2 t paste)
5 C water


1 good-sized onion
4 stalks celery
4 large carrots



McCormick's seasoned salt
1/2 t coarse ground black pepper
1 t paprika
1 T Mrs. Dash's

Dried stuff: (all optional)
1/4 t rosemary
1/4 t marjoram
1/4 t basil
1 T parsley
1 T chives
Coupla bay leaves
Preparation

1. Rinse the chicken and sprinkle with McCormick's and black pepper.
2. Pressure cook with 2 C water for 12-13 minutes... cool for 7 minutes then instant cool under the tap if necessary.
3. While the chicken is pressure cooking clean and dice the carrots, celery, and onion.
4. Put the pressure cooked chicken in a large bowl.
5. Add the veggies to the broth in the cooker with another cup of water and pressure cook 5 minutes ... instant cool.
6. While the veggies are cooking bone the chicken and dissolve bullion w/2 cups of water in the microwave.
7. Add the boned chicken to the veggies in the pot along with the spices, bullion, and Swanson's broth.
8. Add the chicken with rice mix, wisking the contents of its flavor pack until there are no lumps.
9. Cover the pressure cooker but do NOT lock the top down. We just want to boil this time, not pressure cook. Bring everything to a gentle boil. Reduce heat and simmer for 20 minutes.


It's a done deal. Enjoy!!

Editor's note: 
Noodles or dumplings may be substituted for the rice. It's just as good with one as another.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Boston Avenue Methodist Church

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*******************
Editor's Comment: Awe inspiring! 
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Thursday, November 4, 2010

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Boston (BBQ) Baked Beans


Dear Readers:

The surge of companions to Made From Scratch (Almost) Cornbread
drives ever onward.

These beans are actually a bit more than traditional Boston Baked Beans. The recipe has evolved over the years until, in The Editor's humble opinion, the pièce de résistance has emerged.  There simply is no more room for further improvement of any kind.

The mission accomplished at long last, here revealed for your culinary enjoyment are The Editor's secrets to the best beans known on Earth.

Ingredients:

1 303 can of Campbell's Pork and Beans
Drain thoroughly or your beans will be too runny.
1/4 C instant chopped/diced onion
Use as many dried ingredients as possible to soak up the juice
1/4 each diced green, red, and yellow (sweet) pepper
1/3 C ketchup
Use KC Masterpiece or Sweet Baby Rays if you like but if you do you might want to back off some on the brown sugar.
2 T Worcestershire sauce
Yes, yes... I had to look up the spelling
1 T red cooking wine
1 t coarse ground black pepper
1/8 t crushed red pepper
1 t McCormick's seasoned salt (or to taste)
 1 t DRY mustard
1 T Rose's lime juice
1 T paprika
1 t garlic powder

The following ingredients make these beans fly. You will too if you eat enuf!

3 T Colgin's liquid smoke
1/2 C brown sugar
1/3 C dark molasses
1 T bacon drippings
...from the little coffee can in your cabinet
4 slices cut up bacon (1 inch pieces)

Cooking directions:

Mix all ingredients in a Pyrex bowl (and use kitchen spray).
Two slices of the bacon with the beans, two slices on top

Bake at 350º for 1 1/2 hours.

Good good!!!

Editor's Comment: Now YOU TOO Dear Readers can be the hit of the annual church picnic.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Oldtimers Disease

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Dear Readers:
This is supposed to be a real test, but doubt lingers in The Editor's mind because he was
able to pass without much problem.

Hmmm. I wonder if he cheated??

                     ***


1- Find the C below...do not use the cursor.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 

2- If you already found the C, now find the 6.

99999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999
69999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999
99999999999999999999999999999999999999

3- Now find the N. It's a little more difficult.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM 


If you were able to pass these three tests, cancel your annual
visit to your neurologist. Your brain's in great shape and you're
far from having a close relationship with:
 
Mr. Alzheimer
 
Now... If you can read the below you have a strange mind. The Editor was more than confident that he'd pass this test since people have been telling him for some years now that his mind is stranger than strange.

I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. 
Aoccdrnig to a sutdy at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, due to the phaonmneal pweor of the mnid it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are. The olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

Only 55% can read the above according to those in the know at Cambridge University. Suddenly, my Son's term papers make a lot more sense to me than they used to.

****************
Editor's Comment:
****************
I like the splelnig thnigy for srue.

It maens I don't hvae to corerct my typos aynomre.

Oh joy!!  Beam me up Sctoty.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

A Question for the Ages

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Dear Readers: Since we're in quiz mode...

We've all heard that old saying:

"What came first, the chicken or the egg?"

So... I ask you now, which comes first...
Which one must it be?




"The chicken"...



 or "the egg"?





*****************
Editor's Comment:
*****************
Yes, yes, there is a quite legitimate answer to this timeworn question.
Hint: Think outside the box.
.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

So you're smarter than a 5th grader are you?

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Dear Readers:
The Editor tossed and turned all last night pondering the following paradox:

1. The statement below is true.
2. The statement above is false.

So which is it? Heeeelp!!

The Editor is happy to report that his old Facebook friend Ule Notknow has correctly answered the question. Well done Ule!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Bridging the gap

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Just one more inch Dept:

A trucker driving down the Interstate missed the sign warning of the Low Bridge Ahead.

Suddenly there was the bridge dead in front of him. He slammed on the brakes, but it was not enough.  He and the truck were stuck tight.

Cars were backed up for miles...

Finally a State Trooper arrived, siren screaming.

The young patrolman, having a low opinion of all truckers, stood beside the cab with hands on hips and sarcastically said: 

Got stuck huh?

The trucker, parrying brilliantly replied:

Nah... I was delivering this here bridge and I ran out of gas!
*******************
Editor's Comment:
*******************
Wow!  Moving a bridge with a truck!  Who would believe that?

Monday, June 14, 2010

The Third Degree


Dear Readers:
I'm sure all of you have received email with, on the face of it, quite innocent questions regarding your personal life, the point being to forward answers so that friends will know just a little more about you.

In the past my habit was to instantly send this type of correspondence to the trash bin along with any other unwanted, unasked-for spam.

But yesterday, receiving one of these pain in the you-know-what emails yet again, I took considerable time to answer each question my way, returning answers to the sender without further comment.

Hopefully, my point was well taken.  Only time will tell.

So that you too will know allll about The Editor, here is the email along with its questions and the answers I returned:

- WHO ARE YOU? -

Fill out and send back please!

Please do not spoil the fun. Hit forward, delete my answers and type in your answers. Then send this to a whole bunch of people that you know... and send it back to me so I can see your answers. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known facts about those you know.

Remember to send it back to me!!

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Yes.   I was named for James somebody.  It could however have been James somebody else.   I don't know for sure.

What's that you say?  No you dolt... the s in somebody is not either supposed to be capitalized.    Somebody was not his last name.

%*(#$%^ all anyway!!   See what you've gone and done? You've made me go and capitalize the s in somebody after all.

Are you quite happy now?

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Last April when I mailed my 1040 and check to the IRS.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
My Mom always said I should have been a pharmacist.

Does that answer the question?

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Baloney. Sometimes I confuse baloney with idiotic questionnaires.

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Yes. They're in the back yard along with the mama and papa goat.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
You must be joking.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
Baahahahahahahahahahaha ahhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahaha!!

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yes I do. I keep them in a small jar filled with formaldehyde on the mantle above the fireplace.  It's a great conversation piece.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
If it wasn't more than a two foot drop.  Make that one foot.

10.WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Captain America. I used to live for Saturday afternoons at the movies and Captain America.  What?  That's a serial you say? 

Whatever...

11.DO YOU UNTIE YOUR LACES WHEN TAKING OFF YOUR SHOES?
Yes.  I tie them right back together again though.  It's a mess when they get all tangled up with each other.

Actually it's sort of a no-win situation especially after a round or so with Mr. Bacardi as then, I habitually seem to tie one shoe's laces to the other ... even worse than leaving them untied in the first place.

12.DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
Sometimes, but I try very hard to bathe at least twice a week.

13.WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Whether they're wearing a side-arm or not.

14.WHAT IS THE WEATHER LIKE OUTSIDE?
It doesn't make any difference.  I'm inside and I'm stayin' put!

15.WHOM DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
I miss my ex the most but I'm working to improve my aim.

16.DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU?
Why should I?  I already know my answers.

17.WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
I'm not wearing shoes... and that's just for starters.

18.
I wonder what question 18 was?   No, wait...

19.WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The sound of the keyboard. Whoops... sorry... I had beans last night.

20.WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
An attorney from the IRS.

The call before that was from the gas company wondering if the strange smell reported coming from my place was a leak or what?

21.DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? 
This is a trick question.  I invoke my 5th amendment rights.

22.FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH?
Swedish Woman's Beach Volleyball; but not while they're volley balling... when they're mud wrestling.

23.EYE COLOR?
Black after the last time I missed my ex with a rotten tomato.

24.DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
I'll have to look through my address book. Usually I just email them.

25.LAST MOVIE YOU SAW?
I didn't catch the title.  I was watching through a peephole.

26.WHAT COLOR PJs?
Pinkish where I'm not tan... oh wait, I don't wear PJs... OMG!

27.SUMMER OR WINTER?
I'll never tell.  Oh well, if you must know... I like Summer, but only because of her full figure.

28.HUGS OR KISSES?
I'm not particular.  Whatever leads up best to the good deed.
 
29.CAR OR TRUCK?
Truck for sure.

Trucks have more room for lying down. I always had trouble with the gear shift up front in a car and for some reason Fred Jones and his date always seemed to get the back seat first.

Oh yeah... I was driving... that's why.  Bad luck, that.

30.MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Barack Obama.  He hasn't yet but I still have Hope.

31.LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Barack Obama. I apparently misspelled Hope. It's Hype you say?

My bad.

32.WHAT ARE YOU READING NOW?
Question 32.

33.WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
My mouse; duh.

34.WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
The accumulation of dust on top.

35.FAVORITE SOUND?
MiLady's screams.  The stimulus is unimportant.

36.WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO NEXT?
The Men's Room... really... but I have to finish the questions first. Hope there aren't too many more... whoops - too late.   Durn!

37.DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
I am a world-class lawn mower although I'm mostly retired now. That's why I keep a family of 5 goats in the yard.   See above...

38.WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
How could I possibly remember where I was born?  I was just a babe-in-arms back then.  Holy cow anyway!

39.THREE PLACES YOU HAVE BEEN?
1. Inside
2. Outside
3. The little house with the half-moon in the door.

40.WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING?
Ellen Degenerate's.

Well Dear Readers, now you know. You must be so happy!

Monday, May 31, 2010

Son-Of-A-Gun Finest Kind Gumbo

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Dear Readers:

The Editor has always been partial to gumbo but never experienced really great gumbo until becoming a member of the 60th Army Band at Fort Polk, Louisiana in 1969.

As a military musician, he was treated to world-class gumbo all over the state. Every time the band visited a school, performed at a festival, marched in a parade or whatever, if eating was in any way involved, and if you've ever been in Louisiana you already know that eating is almost ALWAYS involved, gumbo was not only on the menu, but at the top of the list. I don't know how many kinds of gumbo I had in the two years I was in LA but ALL were state-of-the-art experiences at the dinner table.

Actually, being a military musician anywhere in the world had superb culinary advantages. In Germany it was beer, brats, frites, schnitzel, and the best wine in the world, but that's another story.

In Korea it was kalbi, kimchi, mandu... What?  Oh yeah; that's another story too. Right... sorry, I forgot.  Back to gumbo...

There are many time-honored and/or traditional recipes for gumbo. By combining this with that ingredient from this and that recipe, over the years The Editor's very own concoction, Son-Of-A-Gun Finest Kind Gumbo has evolved.

To tell the truth the very own concoction part is not entirely accurate as nothing much is written in concrete.

Once you make the roux and get beyond the basic ingredients there is ample opportunity for you to customize your own Son-Of-A-Gun Finest Kind Gumbo to individual tastes.

All of that being said, The Editor is sure that you're quite tired of his idle chit chat and ready for the vaunted recipe.  Be prepared, it takes a little time, but the result is well worth the effort.

Ingredients:
1/4 C butter
1/4 C = 4 T or 1/2 stick
2 T flour
2 C sliced okra
Y'all know enough about okra and tomatoes to slice them sideways not up and down right?  Geeze anyway!!
1 large chopped onion
NOW is the time for up-and-down folks... slice onions criss-crossed up-and-down, then sideways to make perfect chopped onions.
1 303 can diced tomatoes
If you're a purist go ahead and dice 2 or 3 fresh tomatoes yourself but you'll save a ton of time, trouble and $$ using canned 'maters. With all the spices and whatnot found in Son-Of-A-Gun Finest Kind Gumbo you won't be able to tell the difference.  Trust me on this.
1 small chopped green pepper
add a little chopped sweet red and/or yellow pepper for color
1/2 C chopped celery
1/4 C dried parsley
1 t thyme
1/2 t basil
1 bay leaf
1/4 t black pepper (or to taste)
1/4 t cayenne pepper (or a good slug of Tabasco)
3 C cooked rice
I use chicken flavored rice.  Whatever...

2 cans chicken broth... make your own with bouillon or pressure cook some chicken and use the broth if you want to.

Now comes the time to individualize:

Shrimp, crab, cooked chicken, chopped smoked sausage, clams... mix 'em up if you will... as much or little as you want.

Optional ingredients:
optional for you maybe, not for me... all to taste:
Zaterain's Creole seasoning
Tony Chachere's Creole seasoning
Mrs. Dash's all-purpose seasoning
McCormick's seasoned salt
McIlhenny's Tabasco sauce

Preparation:
Melt butter in a 6-quart pot.
Add flour and stir until absorbed by the butter.
This is the roux. #1 Gumbo rule: ALWAYS make the roux first.
Add onion, pepper and celery.
Saute' until butter/flour mixture is brown.
Add chicken broth and stir until thickened.
Add veggies, seasonings, and spices.
Cover and simmer 30 minutes stirring occasionally so that the butter/flour mixture won't stick to the bottom of the pot.
Add seafood(s) and/or sausage and/or chicken.
Simmer 15 minutes. Don't forget to stir every now and then.
Add cooked rice.

Sprinkle 1/2 t Zaterain's Gumbo file' per bowl.
Tony Chachere's file' works too.

Addition of file' to gumbo thickens it slightly and adds a delicate exclusively Cajun flavor.

Now this is important.

Add the file' to individual BOWLs of gumbo. Never ever boil file' with your gumbo as it will toughen the file' and destroy its delicate flavor.

Enjoy!!

Whoooo Boy!!!  Now that's some kinda good!

Made From Scratch (almost) Cornbread is an excellent compliment to Son-Of-A-Gun Finest Kind Gumbo.

Click here for Made From Scratch (almost) Cornbread.

Now, since it's a done deal, although somewhat against his better judgment The Editor is going to list some shortcuts for folks that may have had a hard day at the office and need a little gumbo as a pick-me-up but happen to be running short in the time department.

Substitutes:
Zaterain's Gumbo Mix
Zaterain's has a little rice in it but not enough. You'll need 6 cups of cold water plus the mix. Use COLD water.  If you don't you're going to spend at least half-an-hour trying to get the lumps out. What? You say it'll lump up with cold water too?  Ya think? That's what a wisk is for.  Good night Ms. Agnes anyway!!
Trappey's Okra and Tomatoes
canned, but anything made by Trappey's is good stuff
McCormick's diced dried onion
chopped works too
Dried or frozen green pepper
Canned seafood(s)
Bryan's little smokie links
the ones about an inch long
Leftover rotisserie chicken
Remember? It's the one you got at Costco last Tuesday. You were running short on time then too.

Using these ingredients makes a passable gumbo which beats the smack out of canned gumbo or no gumbo at all.

No gumbo at all...

My word... that would be more than a body could bear.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Mommy Dearest

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Out of the Mouths of Babes Dept:


*******************
Editor's Comment:
*******************
The Editor is more than sure that every Mom can relate to this sort of thing, sometimes on a daily basis.