A Stone Cold Case

Lost and Found Dept:
 
                          WARREN TOWNSHIP
                    FRIDAY POLICE BLOTTER

                11:30 P.M. -.A tombstone bearing
                the name of **** C. Milt was found
                lying in the middle of Maple Street
                late this afternoon. .Detectives are
                still .attempting .to find the owner
                of the tombstone since...

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Editor's Comments:
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Investigators tried for over seven hours to locate Mr. Milt. .By that time however, the .extra-large .pepperoni, mushroom, and anchovy tombstone was getting old to the point of being inedible.

At that point, they reasoned that the rapidly deteriorating pizza rep- resented a health hazard that put the entire populace of the city at risk. So with utter disregard for their personal safety, the cops neatly ignored the tire mark along one edge and summarily disposed of the dangerous now mouldering pie along with two 12-paks of Budweiser.

In the highest traditions of the service, reflecting great credit upon themselves and their unwavering bravery, yet another baffling case has been resolved and duly closed.

Thanks to the consistently quick and effective thinking of these, our stalwart men in blue, citizens of our fair community remain safe and well protected, whether inside their homes or out.
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We walk our streets free from danger, knowing that although unseen, unknown, and largely unrecognized, dedicated professional officers of the law remain ever vigilant.

Well done I say... Oh, well done indeed!!