The Conference

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Health and Nutrition Dept:

Headline:
...........Forget an apple a day.

...............Try ants instead!

Dateline:

Nanking, China

A handful of ants a day keeps the doctor away according to group of leading Chinese scientists.

It's a known fact that a handful of ants keeps a lot of things away. Anyhow, are these the same leading Chinese scientists that finally figured out how to get up to the moon, once there made a crash landing, then called the botched effort brilliant? Get a life, mate!

Forty ant experts...

... say what??

... doctors and nutritionists met this week to formally discuss the ad- vantages of both snacking on ants prepared as crunchy morsels and sipping hot distilled Concentrate of Ant.

Alcoholic content of Concentrate of Ant can be as high as 156 proof.

Samples of toasted ant along with liberal pourings of Concentré de Ant were provided to all those in attendance, that they might exper- ience benefits of the newly proposed dietary aids first hand.

Oddly enough it turned out to be a very short meeting. Afterwards, delegates told blond jokes, laughed a lot, mussed up each other's hair, held a karaoke contest, and in general got quite rowdy.

The Chinese news agency Xinhua reported that in some regions of Southwestern China, the locals regularly eat ants...

Wherever you go in China, the locals eat all sorts of bizarre rubbish not only as a matter of habit, but necessity.

... and as a result, enjoy good health.

-meaning that they stay alive another day instead starving to death.

"Ants are especially effective against rheumatism" said Zhang Zhilin, a noted and well respected Chinese entomologist.

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Editor's Comments:

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The part about rheumatism is true enough. I saw a demonstration on Headline News just the other day that was nothing short of amazing.

They brought out this little old Chinese guy who had rheumatism so bad he could hardly walk. After putting just one handful of red ants down his britches, lo and behold and what do you know... in no time at all he was hopping around all over the place, just as good as new.

Shazam!!

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I hope Oral Roberts was watching...