I think I can... I think I can...

.
Dateline October, 1989
Astrakhan, Russia:

Dr. V. Frenkel, a Soviet psychic healer and mentalist, felt that he had gathered the necessary psycho-biological powers to stop a speeding train, so he stepped in front of one to prove it.
Gedouddahere... even Superman could barely stop a mere speeding bullet. BTW, have you ever noticed how Superman, the patriarch of superheroes always ducks when one of the bad guys throws an emp- ty gun at him even though he 'stops speeding bullets'? .Go figure!
Now... back to Dr. Frenkel...
Found after the fact amongst the good Doctor's professional papers were brave words that he had written before this, his ultimate test:
First I stopped a bicycle...
Riding on it at the time, he effectively used the brakes.
then cars,
... while hitchhiking... this did not always work.
and a streetcar.
He was waiting in line and got on with everybody else.
Now I'm going to stop a train. Only in extraordinary conditions of a direct threat to my person will all my reserves be called into action.
Nooooo... It'll never wooork... Nooooo... get off the traaaaacks...
Frenkel jumped in front of an express train near the city of Astrakhan leaning forward, his arms raised, eyes closed, and body tensed.
hardhead...
The train ran over and killed him.
... but not hard enough.

Reported by the Soviet political newspaper
Советская Россия
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Editor's Comments:
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Too bad. He should have bought a ticket like he did for the streetcar.

Then the Russkies could've claimed they invented the power of posi- tive thinking along with baseball, hotdogs, apple pie, and Chevrolet.