Prison Break!!

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Dumb Crooks Dept:

Three inmates, each weighing more than 170 pounds, used a home-made rope in an attempt to escape from the ninth floor ward of the Metropolitan Correctional Center in mid-town early this morning.

All were apprehended before reaching the 12-foot-high courtyard wall which completely surrounds the Center, as numerous watch- towers are fully manned around the clock by alert armed guards.

One of the prisoners who failed to wear gloves...
...not that he didn't have the opportunity... but when the head of
the Escape Committee offered him a pair, he replied scornfully:
Why would I need gloves you !#$*& idiot? .It's smack-dab in the middle of July! .Du-uh anyway!!!
... suffered severe lacerations to both hands while sliding down the rope. .The quarter-inch-thick cord had been laboriously braided from at least twenty-three 100 foot rolls of unwaxed dental floss.
Such a moron! If he'd held on with his teeth instead of his hands,
he wouldn't have had to go to the dentist's office for 400 years.

-United Dental News Digest and Reporter
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Editor's Comment:
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The way things are anymore, he'll win a lawsuit over all of this.