Men are from Mars...

 
Oneupsmanship Dept:

In-class assignment for Wednesday:

Ladies and Gentlemen:

Today we will experiment with a new form of writing called "the tandem story".

The process is very simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting immediately to the right.  One of you will choose a title and write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the paragraph then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph and so-on, back and forth until both agree that a conclusion has been reached.

Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent.  There is to be absolutely no talking.  Any comments you wish to make must be written as a part of the story.

*****

Chamomile Tea

by

Rebecca and Gary

(title and 1st paragraph by Rebecca)

Rebecca

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, before her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl who once said in happier times that he liked chamomile. But she must now at all costs keep her mind off  of Carl, whose possessiveness was suffocating. When she thought about him too much, her asthma started acting up again.  No, chamomile was definitely out of the question...

Gary

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie, with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago.  "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17" he said into his trans-galactic communicator.  "Polar orbit established.  No sign of resistance so far...". But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere, blasting a hole through his ship's cargo hold.  The shock from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit, directly towards rows of stacked photon torpedoes...

Rebecca
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for physically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities toward the innocent farmers of Skylon 4, and the universe was once again filled with peace and tranquility.
"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel" Laurie read in her newspaper the next morning.  The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window dreaming of her youth when the days
had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract
her from the sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her... "Why must a girl lose her innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully...

Gary
Little did Laurie know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live, for thousands of miles above the city the Anu'udrian mother ship had launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles.  The idiot peacenik weenies who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires, all of whom were pledged to crush the entire human race.  Within two hours after passage of the treaty, the Anu'udrian fleet was on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to destroy the entire planet.  With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan to pulverize our world and all who lived upon it.
The lithium fusion missile entered the Earth's atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters off the coast of Samoa, felt the massive explosion which instantly vaporized poor stupid Laurie and 79 million other Americans. The President pounded both heavy fists on top of the marble conference table. "We can not allow this!" he exclaimed. "I'm vetoing that treaty! Initiate code red to all Earth Defense Squadrons. Blow'em outta the sky!!"

Rebecca

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.

Gary

Yeah? Well you're a self-centered, tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Shall I have chamomile tea?...or shall I have some other sort of F---ing TEA?" wrote the air- headed tart who reads too many dime-store Mills and Boon novels.

Rebecca

)(@$%&**@

Gary

#(*(&@#(^^

Rebecca

?(&@#^)&%)%

Gary

*$#^*!#&%!@%&&!!!

-----------------------------
And now Dear Readers, since the unfinished story was submitted at this point, The Editor is forced to pen the FINAL paragraph:

And she did drink some tea...

But Gary, having seen 9-to-5 27 times, secretly slipped in 2 spoons of rat poison, and the problem of Rebecca suddenly went away.

********************
Editor's Comments: 
********************
When grades for the assignment were handed out, Gary was nowhere to be found. Rebecca remained in the intensive care ward recovering from her recent, near fatal bout of acute gastrointestinal dyspepsia.

While rumor has it that Gary is seeking asylum on Skylon 4, a partially finished letter was found on Rebecca's bedside table which began...

Dearest Gary,
Please come back. I  love you and want you to be my husband...

Smudges covering the letter were apparently caused by tears.

Kids  and jeune amour!!  Go figure!