The Straight Skinny 301

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Who'da thunk it Dept:

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Ladies and Gentlemen:

It would benefit each of you to pay close

attention and take notes as there will be

a short quiz following today's lecture on

Facts to File and Forget.
1.
The toothbrush was officially invented in 1498.

And toothpaste wasn't invented until the 19th century. Oops!

2.
John Travolta turned down the starring roles in both An Officer and
a Gentleman and Tootsie.
True.  John was always proud of his highly developed lack of couth which he felt soundly disqualified him for both parts. 
3.
Prince William and Prince Harry never travel on the same airplane just in case there's a crash.
Crash my foot! The real reason is that both realized if they traveled together they'd have to share the flight attendants between them.
4.
The only two animals that can see behind themselves without turning their heads are the rabbit and the parrot.
Wrong!!!
All Moms can see behind themselves 24/7. That's a lead-pipe cinch!
My Mom told me so, and I believe it because I never got away with ANYTHING when I was a kid!  Moms know all, hear all, see all!
5.
The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a tomato soup can for a carburetor.
I saw something like that once on a Little Rascals re-run. They filled up the soup can with dog food, hung it in front of a big black-and-white spotted
dog and that was their engine. Those Li'l Rascals were pretty smart.  Their dog was pretty stupid.
6.
The real  reason ostriches stick their heads in the sand is to search for underground water.
... instantly qualifying them for Upper Management...
7.
The average 50-year-old has spent 5 years waiting in line.
More if they went to Six Flags or Disney World in the daytime.
8.
A modern artist from Chicago, Dwight Kalb, created a statue of Madonna made out of 180 pounds of leftover spiral-sliced ham.
How appropriate!
9.
For 47 days in 1961, the painting Le Bateau by Matisse hung upside- down in New York City's Museum of Modern Art without a single one of the 116,000 visitors noticing anything out of the ordinary.
99% of the pseudo art snobs who visit art museums wouldn't know real art if it jumped up and bit them square on the behind.
10.
French artist Michel Vienkot uses cow poo instead of paint.
The art world well knows that a Vienkot original ain't worth s---!

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Quiz:

Kalb used 180 pounds of ham for Madonna's statue.

1. Do you think that this was enough?
     a. Yes, if you only consider the ego part.
     b. Probably, if he didn't trim off too much fat.
     c. No. The hips and thighs were left quite incomplete.

2. Name some other reasons Travolta might have had for turning
     down the lead in Tootsie.
     a. His heavy beard wouldn't work that well since the female
          character was much too young to shave.
     b. He wasn't muscular enough for the part of the woman.
     c. He wasn't graceful enough for the part of the man.

3. Name some other reasons Travolta might have had for turning
     down the lead in An Officer and a Gentleman.
     a. He hated navy beans.
     b. He was afraid he'd become known around town as a gentleman.
     c. He got seasick very easily.

The toothbrush was invented some 300 years before toothpaste.

4. Will George W. Bush eventually get the blame for this foulup?
      a. Why not? He's still convenient enough.
      b. It seems like the right thing to do.
      c. Of course he will. If it ain't broke don't fix it!
      d. Are you kidding?

5. What do you believe is the real reason that Princes William and
     Harry travel seperately?
     a. They can't stand the sight of each other.
     b. William always grabs the window seat. Harry doesn't like it.
     c. They actually don't want to share the flight attendants. 

The first Harley used a tomato soup can for a carburetor.

6. What is used for the carburetor on a Harley today?
     a. A chicken noodle soup can
     b. A cream of mushroom soup can
     c. A black-and-white spotted dog that ate some kind of soup

Bonus question:

Do you think that Madonna is smart enough to be a blond?

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Editor's Comment: Not even close!
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