Dog Days

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Dept of Animal Control:
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Dateline: Des Plains IL
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The fate of Kirby, a Des Plains dog who
was tried andlconvictedloflviciouslbe-
havior could have been worse.
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County Circuit Court Judge William Re-
hobeth ruled Tuesday that Kirby must
leave Des Plains, never to return.
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Rehobeth could have sentenced the dog
to many punishments that are worse....
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Editor's Comments:
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Acting as Kirby's attorney, his master pleaded for mercy, throwing the fate of the canine on the mercy of the court, but to no avail.
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With tears in his eyes, he even offered to pay a fine and restitution to victims of the wayward mutt, but the cruel Judge would hear none of it, turning a deaf ear to every one of his entreaties.
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So with heavy heart, the desolate dog left for parts unknown, never
to be seen again by the townsfolk of Des Plains.
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Now this may seem like a sad, even somewhat brutal fate for man's best friend, but the article in the paper was right. Kirby's fate could have been worse... MUCH worse!
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For instance, the Judge COULD have ordered Kirby to REMAIN in Des Plains -- FOREVER! .
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JEEE-HOSEPHAT!!!
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That would be cold. It gives me the shivers to even think about it!
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It came out later that the Rehobeth actually did consider this harsh punishment, but decided against it since Kirby would have had an excellent chance at overturning the sentence on standard grounds of cruel and unusual punishment.
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So Dear Readers, lest ye lament for the exiled pooch, consider...
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He is definitely better off, wherever he may be.
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Besides, there is a rumor going around that Kirby ended up in the Big Apple and made a fortune in the vacuum cleaner business.
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I ask you... could that ever have happened in Des Plains???