Ho There, Foul Monster...

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Frederick Lawson of ****, Texas was arrested after allegedly trying to run down two **** College security guards with his van.

The guards wanted to question Lawson, who had just left a suspicious-looking package at one of the college's administrative offices.
1) This turned out to be a large pizza supreme with extra cheese ordered by a late-working secretary.
According to the **** Times Examiner, "Local police who gave chase after being called, shot out three tires of the van but Lawson contin- ued driving until the officers ran him off the road."
2) He still had two deliveries to make. Having been warned before- hand to "get it there in 30 minutes or less" he was afraid that if he stopped to chat with the gendarmes he'd be fired.
Lawson, grazed with shots fired by the policemen, was dressed in home-made body armor, including an apron lined with metal hinges, and a plastic bucket over his head.

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Editor's comments:
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As you may have guessed, the campus rent-a-cops, never all that bright even in the best of times, fouled it up royally.

Lawson was released from custody after it was found that he had just left a rehearsal with the campus drama club in which he was portray- ing Don Quixote in the Broadway production Man of La Mancha.

Still in costume from the famous 'windmill scene', he was mistaken as either a 'mad bomber' or a 'robot' (depending on which cop was tell- ing which story at which time and which place).

All turned out well when the college sprung for a set of new tires which Lawson had needed very badly in the first place.