A Piece of Pie (with apologies to Damon Runyon)

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Found in the "Local News" section:

A resident's proposal to widen a road in a suburb of ****, Tennessee, was opposed by a spokesman for the local Planning Commissioner, a certain Mr. Shepherd.

He told a public meeting that a wider road was not needed because residents of the suburb were more intelligent than those of the inner city and thus able to deal with narrower streets.
1) ummm...the way "intelligent" people normally deal with narrow streets is to make them wider.
"Out here the people are more educated", said Shepherd, "and they should be better drivers...
2) Not necessarily... but just for the sake of argument; if the locals there are really better educated, then they have better jobs and bigger fatter cars which need bigger fatter streets... right?
... so you can handle more cars out here on narrow streets than congested areas of the city. Since we've got better drivers who are more intellectual and intelligent, they'll have less wrecks... unless of course they're drunk."
3) ... or maybe blind...
Shepherd also claimed that a wider road would allow 'undesirables' into their fair community.
4) ... as the current narrow road keeps them completely out.

-The ***** Gazette
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Editor's comments:
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It turned out that SHEPHERD himself was the one who originally proposed the new road! .But his son's company, Shepherd's Paving Improvement Enterprises (locally known as Shepherd's P.I.E.) lost the contract. So he changed his mind about widening the road since he would no longer be able to buy a fat car of his own with the kick- back from the project; ... his own personal piece of the P.I.E.

How bureaucratically typical...