Part the fourth: (Glossary)
Toranaga's Rage
Toranaga has summoned his shitsuji and ordered him to summon Anjin-san's shitsuji in order to order him to summon Anjin-san in order that he could order him to answer the order of summons given to his shitsuji by order of the shitsuji of Toranaga, great Shogun and High Lord of The Canton...
... "forthwith!"... "and be quick about it!!" Toranaga-sama snarls, now in quite bad temper to his shitsuji who, being a bit confused as to exactly what he has been ordered to do, hesitates and lingers on uncertainly without taking immediate action.
And now, as our narrative plows stolidly onward...
Unfortunately, before either the verbiage or logistics of Toranaga's complex order could be sorted out, both the miso soup and tea went quite cold. .Both appalled and sickened by this revolting and totally unexpected development, Toranaga summoned his koroshiya and angrily ordered him to behead the house-gardener at once!
The consort Mariko-san, fearful that the delicate blossoms on her favorite cherry tree would wilt and die with no one to nurture their daily bloom, fell to her knees tearfully begging her Toranaga-sama
to have mercy and graciously spare the house-gardener's humble, meaningless, undeserving, uneventful, and worthless life.
The gardener's life is of no consequence! said Toranaga gruffly with typical Japanese logic of the period.
Que será, será! .he added as an afterthought.
Scratching his head in puzzlement since he spoke only Japanese and had no idea as to the exact meaning of que será, será, he happened to remember that Anjin-san had been teaching him The King's English.
So just to be safe, he further declared What will be, will be! in order to clear things up and avoid any possible misunderstandings.
And with that, before Mariko-san's very eyes, Toranaga suddenly broke out into brisk and rollicking song accompanied by a full 97 piece orchestra, just like the people in New York and Hollywood did for Yul Brynner when they scored their productions of The King & I.
When I was juust a liiitle boooy,
I asked my Sonkeissubeki Oya, (尊敬すべき おや)
What will I beeeee...
... he scratchily warbled, somewhat off-key.
And although quite rudimentary, he also churned out a fetching little dance as he crooned on to his wide-eyed, incredulous concubine.
But trying vainly to click his heels together during the dance part of his routine, he finally gave up in frustration, finding the task quite beyond him as his long katana awkwardly kept getting in the way.
Toranaga, not at all used to failure, furiously ordered his koroshiya to behead the choreographer of the dance at once!
The koroshiya, understandably at a loss as ex- actly whom to behead and when, dallied just a whisker too long to suit Toranaga, who then ordered his koroshiya to behead his koroshiya;... at once!
The koroshiya, trembling in his boots, as he was quite terrified of Toranaga's wrath, sprang into a frenzy of action. His flashing blades whirled and sparkled in the morning's cold frosty air as he...
... to be continued...
Will the dramatic, ever-building suspense of our tale culminate in an exciting, unknown, unwritten, even yet-to-be conceived conclusion to the thrilling plot?
... or will the sordid, sickening, squalid, surreal, stupid, spurious, sad and sorry story continue chapter after boring chapter, on-and-on ad-nauseum to the disgust of all?
Will Anjin-san's steel will break under the fearsome threat of no whale meat, daikon pickle, miso soup, ramen, or hot tea for a full 30 days? Will he, head held high, scornfully laugh in the face of excruciating pain and certain death?
... or will he crumble like a stale omochi cake (お餅) and humbly submit to Toranaga's harsh demands?
Does Toranaga's quite unexpected musical reaction to his consort's piteous request for mercy mean that the house-gardener will live on to see yet another rising sun?
... or is the horticulturist's half-shaved head doomed to hit the neatly manicured garden path with a sickening smush... a smush not unlike that of a thirteen-gallon twist-tied trash bag half-filled with two-week-old vegetable-beef soup when tossed from the window of an apartment four stories above?
Learn the frightening outcome of the savage mandates ordered by Mariko-san's Lord, Liege, and Master in our next installment.
No comments:
Post a Comment